I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
