I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
