what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
