i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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