He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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