you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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