i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is Oprah even human
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
