You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
