he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
