I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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