Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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