Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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