He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
