I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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