You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
