whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
