Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
