She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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