he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
