he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
