Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
