never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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