Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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