some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm at about main and main street
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
