Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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