a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
