I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
