what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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