she looked like the before picture.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The feeling are messing with the penis
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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