I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
