And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
