I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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