Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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