My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
