I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
