I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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