people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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