Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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