just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
