I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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