Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
