I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
