She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
