he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
