I got chris browned last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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