I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
