Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
