haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
