why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
