Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
one two three fourrrrnication!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
